je suis désolé

that's just me apologizing to my bucket list cause i was all like, "suck it bucket list" blah, blah, blah. and, "i'm going to mexico suckers!"

mais non.

yeah no, i'm not going to mexico. i'm not going on a cruise. and yes this does feel a little like defeat. and indeed i do feel sorry for myself. but i just don't see how it's possible to plan this trip at this time in my life.

sometimes i wonder if i will ever do the things i so wish to do. well one thing i want to do is eat mexican food all the time and i pretty much do that a lot, so.... things aren't all that bad i spose.

speaking of not going to mexico and eating mexican food, look at this. it makes my mouth water:

it's called chile en nogada and that is a walnut sauce! walnut sauce people! with pomegranates. this meal takes some tender loving care, maybe someday i'll get to try it. or maybe when i have my dream of a my own kitchen and i wear outfits like this all the time


i'll make the damn sauce all by myself. in utah.