to live until i die

some of you may not be aware of this, but every year at this time i change my blog title and background. because my birthday falls on the first of january, it's always easy for me to reflect and refocus for my next year. these have been my blogs in the past:

29 and living in transition

30 and moving closer to the edge
a new year, another decade in my life and i'm ready to hold on tightly to more love, more peace and more glitter.

31 and from here you can see the sea.
not looking for anything just enjoying the view.

last year i really took a sit back approach. i really just wanted to take some time for myself. figure some things out. or at least let some other things settle. this is not to say i did nothing, because actually i did a lot. but i just wanted to have a year of being okay with all the decisions i made. just being o.k. really o.k. this is so very hard for me. but, all in all i think i did okay. i honestly feel like i know myself better. i feel like i love myself more. i feel like i'm in a direction and i'm committed to that direction. don't care if it's right or wrong, it's just my direction.

so.... that being said, this year, which is in fact a new decade, i have decided to live a lot. instead of sitting back (which had it's benefits) this year i'd like to actively LIVE!

i'm really going to take that trip i always say i'm going to take.
i'm going to go outside more.
i'm going to work more- a lot more, like until i want to die.
i'm going to hesitate less.

and this is a good start. i'm already exhausted just typing that, but it's all happening.

and of course my new blog title is based off of a brandi carlile song, cause you know how badly i'm in love with her. it's sort of a love song- i make it a love song to myself.

i love the holidays

but i love it when they are over so much more. it just feels more and more gluttonous every year. and then it's like- does anyone even really care? i mean really? if we just stopped exchanging gifts, would it be that big of a deal? i don't think so. i have so much shit as it is anyway.

and you know, i love my family i really do. i love being with them and it's very pretty down here in southern utah, but that does not stop me from being cruuuuaaazy. and i have to reconcile the fact that it's mostly me not being able to deal.

i am a bit of an old lady and i like things to be a)orderly and b)quiet. those things are difficult to obtain when you are not in your own space. and i mean it's not like i can't deal with it, but after a few days there are some things that really grate on my nerves.... like wearing pajamas.

you know what helps?


just keepin' it real.

politics and christmas

you know i keep this blog pretty neutral when it comes to politics and such. in fact, i've stopped reading several people's blog because of our different political slants, particularly around one topic: gay legislation.

however, i feel yesterday was such a landmark day i needed to celebrate with my blog.

don't ask don't tell- a cowardly attempt to band-aid gay bashing and discrimination in the military, which thereby supported prolonged homophobia, not just in the military but with it's far reaching hand. well it's done.

and seriously, it was a battle. and a waste of resources and painful. i personally know people effected by DADT, so yeah it was far reaching. guess what, america? it's hard being gay and even though i would never want to join the military i also cannot wrap my head around the fact that i would be doing a disservice to my country by joining. that somehow being gay would culminate in a less cohesive military force. right.

i'm very surprised, to tell you the truth. shocked actually that it was repealed. i almost feel like, let's wait and see what will happen. when it will happen. but as i always say to my clients (even though i don't often believe it) just trust in the process.
kay i'm trusting.

i want you to come visit

i will make you coffee.

and get you food out of the fridge

and eat with you at my table

you can borrow clothes from my closet/office

we can start a fire in my fireplace!

sit on my new couch!

and bonus! i have a killer view from my bathroom window

and best for last- this face. this face wants you to come over!