i'm in phoenix and it is 50 degrees in the house. i have a space heater, but it only emits heat about 2 feet directly in front of it, but i am very, very grateful for it. it sort of feels like i'm camping right now (and we all know how i feel about camping). i am also watching the worst movie ever, eagle vs. shark.
now to sum up christmas:
when on i got in my car last wednesday to drive to hurricane all i wanted to do was get in my car and go somewhere else. just go, go where no one knows me or really where i don't know myself, but then of course i found myself at my parent's house. and that place is a place where i suppose i can be anybody i want and no matter what they put up with me. my parents would do and have done just about anything for their kids and we are all just a bunch of spoiled babies. i think all either of them really want is for us to be happy and there are a couple of us that just can't seem to get that right. i have wasted this holiday. i have lost the meaning. i have walked away from myself in so many ways. i suppose this isn't about summarizing christmas, it's all of 2008.
but it's a new year
my 30th year and time to change the title of my blog
i don't want to be in transition anymore.
i want more meaning
i want more love
i want more peace
2009 shall be my quest to find all of those things.
perhaps i will return to hurricane next christmas and be okay with being myself, with being me and i will want to be with the people that love me not run away from them or from myself.
i am tired of running, tired of moving- it's time to settle.
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2 comments:
I hope that 2009 is a year of settling for you...I love you.
wow. that felt good just to read, i am sure it was better writing it. i am too in search of a different path in 2009. perhaps we can share our journey over lunch once a week. once a month. love you.
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